The Other Shoe

I am a great believer in cosmic equilibrium.  If something bad happens, there is something good around the corner to balance the badness.  Of course the reverse is true, as well.  I don’t know if I bring this on myself or if there really is some sort of force out there with a very demented sense of irony.  At the moment, I don’t really care; I’m currently stuck in an emotional vortex and I must ride it out until the end result.

In May, my grandfather generously decided to purchase a new flute for me.  I was totally blown away by this, but in the midst of my joy there was a nagging voice in the back of my head, “What will be the counterbalance? What big bad is out there waiting?”

Yesterday it reared its head.  The ultimate irony.  My grandfather’s health is fading; he has grown suddenly weak, relying on a wheelchair.  This morning my uncle found him on his knees where he had fallen, unable to rise.

And the flute? It is still at the Boston manufacturer.  It is finished; it is shipping today or tomorrow.  It should arrive in Arizona within the next couple of weeks.  The question that surrounds my waking day is, “Will it arrive in time?” I desperately want to play it for him, to show him how much his gift means to me, to prove that I am worthy of it.   I want him to know that his gift is not superfluous.  But I must continue to wait, to worry, to wonder, to weep.  And mostly, to scream at the complete and utter feeling of helplessness that has enveloped me.

Amazing!

As I was returning from a last-minute-replacement gig I had this weekend, it occurred to me that the last two months have been fairly record-breaking with regards to earning money with my flute.

I normally don’t get paid when I play.  This spring and summer, though, I’ve managed to get invited to play for enough paying gigs that I have more than paid for my plane tickets for my August trip to Boston with music.

I think that’s pretty cool.

 

Undeserving

I’m still in a daze.  I keep pinching myself.  My stomach knots whenever I think about it.

I am getting a new flute.

And not just any flute.  A flute beyond what I could ever have hoped for – top quality, handmade, solid silver.  An unbelievably generous gift.

My last day in Arizona, I was practicing when I was interrupted with a knock at the door.  My dad stuck his head in the door.  “Can you come here? Your grandfather is talking about buying you a flute.” I walked into the office, and the Woodwind Brasswind website is up on the screen, filled with alto flutes.  ”You had mentioned that you were looking at getting an alto flute.”  This was true; I’ll be playing for The Secret Garden in a week, and it has an awesome alto flute part.  I looked at the screen.  The cheapest flute was $1500 for nickel plate. 

“I’m not sure it’s worth the money for the one time a year it’s going to come out of the case.”

“Well, then maybe the smart thing is to upgrade your C flute.”  My dad clicked on the link.  “Quite a range.”

“Whatever you want,” my grandfather said.

“Maybe you should talk to your accountant before you dive into one of these,”  my dad suggested. 

“No.”

I was starting to feel very uncomfortable.  Flutes can range really dramatically in prices.  $10 to $15 thousand dollars is fairly standard for a professional level instrument, and many are twice that.  I was fairly certain my grandfather did not know what he was getting into.  “Let me put my flute away, and then I need to do some research.”

I went back to my room and put my flute away.  I then called Cathy for some advice.  I have never looked at high quality flutes other than online.  I have never played any because I never wanted to know what the difference would be.  I wanted to remain happy with my flute because I figured I was not likely to upgrade it.  After quickly explaining the situation, I asked for what her advice would be.   “Can you play any of them?” she asked.

“No, this is all going to happen on line.  There’s no place anywhere around here that would carry such an instrument.”

“Hmmm…well I know people who play Haynes, Powells…  Do you have a budget?”

“Not really.  Not a specified one.  Yours is a Powell, right?”

“No, mine’s an Altus.”

“And you recommend the off-set G.”

“Yes, definitely.  And I would definitely go for solid silver if the sky’s the limit.  Have fun!”

Armed with this information, I went back to the office and sat down at the computer. 

“What I would suggest is find the one that you would want if cost wasn’t an issue.  Then go down from there,” my dad suggested.

I began my search.  I looked, briefly at the super expensive flutes, but immediately rejected them.  I just couldn’t ask for something that expensive.  I pulled three out of the catalog and then began Googling them.  I read all the reviews I could find and then ordered them in preference – the top two were Haynes and the last was a Pearl.  I tried to find instruments at three different price levels that would still be an upgrade from my current instrument.  I handed the paper to my dad.  He started looking at my choices.

“Did you look at Powells?” he asked.

“I did, but there weren’t any there that were under 30K, and I’m not comfortable asking for that.”

“Here’s some for around 6.”

I looked at the page.  He was right. 

“I’m really biased towards Haynes.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because my high school flute teacher played one.  Or maybe I just like the logo.”

My dad looked at me.  Then he grinned.  “I do too.”  He showed my grandfather my top choice, who didn’t quite choke at the price. 

“You’re music better be fantastic!” he exclaimed.

“Here’s my thing,” my dad interjected.  “This is an instrument that she shouldn’t have to ever upgrade; it will be the last flute she’ll ever need.”

“Then get it.”

And like that, it was done.

I’m absolutely amazed and delighted by this unexpected generosity.  I’m also totally sure I don’t deserve it.  Maybe this is why I can’t wrap my head around it.  I played for the Children’s Ball yesterday, likely to be one of the last gigs I play on my current flute, and couldn’t process the thought.  I’ve played this flute since my dad gave it to me when I was twelve; it has served me amazingly well, and I can’t imagine not playing on it.   And yet, I can’t wait to try my new flute.  I can barely sit still at the thought.

I just hope I can do it justice.